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I Can’t Feel My Face

Was in Times Square last weekend and everyone is still grinding, hustling, partying, fashioning- Life is happening. Not only to me but to everyone else. And I liked the hustle. Being close to the lights and the love of others seeing something for the first time or falling comfortably into a familiar grouping or conversation. Energy. It’s the electric sensation you feel when you get close to something or someone that sparks a realization that was formerly dormant or unimaginable.

I get this feeling at various moments like when I walk into Barnes and Nobles. No kidding, I literally get chills upon entrance. There’s something about wall to wall books- the discovery- the vast learning potential- the communal desire to be immersed into a new story or made aware on an old one. I love to read and I love books. There are two non-negotiable loves my children must take from me and those are dogs and books.

I also get this feeling when I brush past my husband. In those moments when space is limited and passage is required, I enter his space and touch his atmosphere and I am immediately overrun with sensation, sometimes I even stop breathing- can you believe it? It’s that kind of feeling that causes you to wonder if art really does imitate life. We could be in the middle of an argument but if I get too close to him I can almost forget what I was upset about…..almost.

I can’t feel my face when I’m with you, Mr. Doris, and that’s the way I always wanted it to be. I am a romantic. For me love is imagined in “In a Sentimental Mood” by Duke Ellington, Empowered by “He Loves Me” by Jill Scott and completely owned and surrendered in “In Your Eyes”, by Peter Gabriel and “Andromeda & the Milky Way” by Meshell Ndegeocello. Jonnel has the music. While I’m waiting, I’m choosing to identify love in all places. It’s not as easy as it sounds. It is sometimes difficult to find the love when you are unsure, searching for meaningful communication or just plain tired. But I am determined. Because I know if I do, light will hit my face and I will be as one who dreams. BTW I’ve decided to volunteer so I can keep my international development skills current. I have a preliminary conversation scheduled with an organization that works on disaster management and reporting. I’ll let you know how it goes……

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